What to say in a first message
On Dateclub you get one opening message, and can't send another until they reply. That rule is there so nobody gets flooded. It also means your first message is worth getting right.
What works
- Start from their profile. Pick one thing they wrote or one detail in their photo, and say something about it. It shows you actually looked.
- Ask one real question. One they'd enjoy answering, not an interview. "Which market is your favourite?" beats "How are you?"
- Say a little about you. Give them something to ask back, so the conversation has somewhere to go.
- Keep it short. Two or three sentences. Long messages feel like pressure.
Examples
- Instead of "Hey": "You said you're still looking for the best coffee in Parkhurst. I have strong opinions on this. Where have you tried so far?"
- Instead of "You're beautiful": "Is that Lion's Head in your photo? I've only ever done it at sunrise. Worth it at sunset?"
- Instead of copy and paste: Anything that could only have been written to them.
If they don't reply
Let it go. People are busy, or not looking right now, or it just isn't a match, and none of that is about you. You won't be able to send a second message anyway, so spend the energy on someone new. If you're not sure what to say about yourself first, start with your bio.
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More guides
- First date ideas in South Africa Easy first dates that aren't dinner: coffee, a hike, a market, a braai. What makes a good first date, and ideas for every budget.
- Meeting someone from online, safely How to meet someone from a dating site safely in South Africa: before you meet, on the day, and the signs of a romance scam.
- How to write a dating profile bio What to put in a dating profile bio so the right people say hello: be specific, sound like yourself, and give them something to ask about.